tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-322047562024-03-13T11:29:05.698-07:00A Reflection CollectionAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. -Anais NinBexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.comBlogger559125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-62436947872321520832013-05-31T16:18:00.000-07:002013-06-01T08:48:43.654-07:00On Walking<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm giving up my YMCA membership tomorrow until early 2014, in lieu of the gorgeous summer weather headed our way (we much prefer walking outside), the baby coming in fall, and the budgeting we're doing to make way for a fifth person to join our family (minivan, anyone?). So today was our last day for a while. I hopped on the treadmill, popped in my headphones, gazed out the window and let my mind wander. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I write the best while I walk on the treadmill. Someday there will be technology that can accurately take the words I'm stringing together so brilliantly in my mind and dump them all into Evernote without me ever holding a pen in my hand, without one stroke on the keyboard. Somehow when I'm walking, especially with loud music blaring in my ears, I can really, really write. Sermons, church announcements, notes to people I love, book reviews and blog posts. These almost come tumbling out of me at the gym.<br />
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It happens sometimes on walks with my kids, too, while I'm pushing the stroller and marveling at the green, lush surroundings. Often though I'm talking back and forth with them, picking up the stuffed animal they dropped or offering the snack they asked for or wiping the runny nose or answering questions that have been asked 10 times in a row. We go on walks in our neighborhood any day it's not raining, or any evening/ afternoon it's not raining. In Salem, it seemed whatever the weather was in the morning, that's what the weather was for the entire day. Here it seems the weather can change on a dime, which is both lovely (surprise! It's sunny!) and terrible (Oh no, a downpour!). The part of the Pacific Northwest we live in has got to be one of the most beautiful places in America. On our walks, just up and down the street, we see cows, horses, hens, ducks, wild bunnies, frogs, slugs, snakes and birds, birds, birds. And I mean everyday. It's a huge gift to live here for this reason. I love that our kids are exposed to these little animal treasures. Mercy has a running commentary going with the cows. She always updates them on her day so far and her plans for when she gets home.<br />
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Many times we load up the stroller right after lunch. I catch some warm vitamin D and the kids get relaxed before nap-time. I love these walks because Mercy and I chat and chat and chat, while Jude snuggles his stuffed puppy, looks all around, then usually falls asleep. Sometimes I turn the music on my phone all the way up and place it in the cup holder, it's never loud enough but it's soothing. Many evenings, either while dinner warms in the oven or before we tackle the sink full of dishes, we take a walk as a family. If it's after dinner, Mercy gets a lollipop for a treat (this gives Josh and I some time to talk before Mercy begins to ask questions and share her observations). On non-bath evenings, the kids love to put on their coordinating jammies and snag their special blankets and favorite stuffed animal to join us on the walk.<br />
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Josh and I have been married 8 years next month and from the get-go we got one thing right: walking together. We've always connected and conversed best this way. When it was just the two of us, we would walk after work and then again before bed most days of the week. We would walk to dinner, to pick up a Redbox, to the Mexican restaurant for horchata, to church to finished forgotten tasks, to ice cream, the Saturday market and to Saturday evening church services on weekends off. We'd walk in the rain, the snow, the wind and the sun.<br />
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Salem was covered with sidewalks and loaded with parks, full of walking trails. On weekdays, we could take three steps out our backdoor and be on our way with the stroller. An easy, safe walk with multiple routes available. Here, however, they don't really 'do' sidewalks. Part of what makes this little city such an oasis of beauty is that there aren't really neighborhoods as suburbia would commonly recognize. It's vast, virgin fields and forests with long, narrow private roads popping up sporadically along the way leading to someone's peaceful retreat. When we visited to candidate at the church we spent an afternoon looking for housing and I remember thinking I would be perpetually lost if we came to town. Houses are far between, private, secluded. I still don't go to out at night alone to houses on the island because I'm positive I would never make it back, and I don't really like to sleep over on other people's couches. There are little pockets of neighborhoods here and there and of course, all the new construction in this growing city are tidy little neighborhoods with regular square blocks and sidewalks.<br />
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There are lovely, long walks to enjoy along the Harbor and there is a very beautiful and generous trail that runs through the entire city. Across the bridge there are even more. No shortages of beautiful places to walk. We've taken advantage of this since we moved. However it requires loading up the kids in car-seats and folding up the huge, heavy double jogger, then driving 10 minutes to unload, set-up, walk and do it again. Sometimes we only have 30 minutes after dinner, before baths, so this scenario would eat up all that time before we even got to the walking part.<br />
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Last summer my mom would come to town once a week to provide moral support, loads of grace and an extra set of hands as we navigated a not-yet two year old, a newborn, and Josh's full plate at the church. Often we got a date night out of the deal and an extra coffee or two. When the babies napped, I would be free while my mom read on the couch or folded our laundry (!!!). Since it was summer and I was postpartum I often spent that time taking solo walks in the sun. I always took a right turn out of our cul-de-sac. Turning right leads to town, namely Starbucks. It's uphill both ways, as is uniquely true for this little city. It is a good, hard walk, it could take me to the farm stand for flowers, fruit or small-batch salsa, or to three different Starbucks within 20 minutes at postpartum pace. Just, yes.<br />
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Also last summer, my walking buddy and I decided to add to our daily walking (we literally walked nearly 4 miles a day together most mornings a week for the entire summer) a simple 5k training program. One day a week we ran together (usually when my mom was in town so I could run sans the Baby Bjorn and 10lb. infant strapped on to me, the 25lb. toddler in a 20lb. stroller in front of me, and the taunting hills ahead of me) and two days we ran alone, on our own time and at our own pace. I loved the trail we trained on, but needed a change of scenery so one day I turned<i> left</i> out of our cul-de-sac. The first hundred yards is steep, the next 300 yards is definitely uphill but the next mile or so is only a slight incline. I soon discovered this road takes you up, up, up so slowly that you don't quite notice it at first but soon enough you always encounter sunshine because it's so high. We live at the bottom of a hill in a forest so the sun doesn't always reach us, even if it is shining. Most days I crane my neck out the window to get a peek at the sky.<br />
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Going left opened up a whole new route for my runs. Total country, with a middle and elementary school, a few stables and some pastures all tucked in if you look for them. Turning right toward town meant more cars headed that way, too. Turn left and you are peacefully alone, with the darting bunny or wandering duck or middle school parent passing by (side note: I always pray for the middle school parents as I watch them turn in or pull out of the school. "Be strong and gentle, wise and at peace", is my prayer for them). Once I discovered this route I knew the shoulder and the quiet and the animals and the only gradual uphill would make it ideal for our family walks.<br />
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I don't mean to overstate it by saying this discovery and practice finally made this place feel like home. That's the truth. Plain and simple. As soon as I found an option the allowed me to open the front door, buckle the kids in the jogger and head out on a long (or short), quiet walk, I felt at home. We still walk the harbor and the trails from time to time, and when we meet friends or entertain out of town guests, but now most days a week we walk in our neighborhood and we see the most beautiful clouds, trees, sunsets and encounter every day stunning horses, grazing cows, quick little bunnies, wandering mallards and hens. Look down, there's a slithering snake or a fat slug, look up at the dozens of birds, each singing its own special song. Look left at the sprawling farm houses, look right at the lacrosse practice. And beside me most evenings, my best friend, catching me up on his day, while in front of me, two beautiful babies sitting contentedly, taking it all in. </div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-69448319109264338342013-04-16T15:37:00.000-07:002013-04-16T15:37:48.158-07:00Guest Reflections. Part 5. April.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>The <b>Guest Reflections</b> series is still going strong around here. A quick diversion was necessary (and so fun) to announce my pregnancy and review <b>Bread & Wine </b>but I've still got loads of fabulous guest posts that I'm eager to share with you. Today's author is my long-time internet-only friend, April. Before we began our own adoption process in late 2009, I stumbled upon April's through her blog. As a pastor, a leader, and a woman who'd walked through the grief and confusion of infertility and was experiencing shalom through international adoption, it seemed we had so much in common. I followed her adoption journey closely; crying through disappointments, praying through setbacks, celebrating at breakthroughs and cheering fervently through travel and transition. I remember so many early mornings at my computer by the window, cup of coffee in hand, reading through the ups and down of this season of waiting for her two oldest children. I remember exactly where I stood (in the drive-way at our family vacation home in Sunriver, OR) when I learned of their referrals. I remember exactly where I stood when she announced the birth of her son (In the mall parking lot outside of Nordstrom).</i><br />
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<i>April and her husband Brian were forever united with their kids Judah and Addise mid-January 2011. We were forever united with Mercy just one month later. Oh, how we nearly met in Ethiopia! The shared timeline continues: April gave birth to her son, Asher, in sunny southern California in late April 2012 and brought him home from the NICU on Mother's Day. I gave birth to my son, Jude, in sunny western Washington on Mother's Day as well. Our stories are forever connected. </i><i> April has been a cheerleader and confidant as we've grown into motherhood in beautiful and surprising ways. I am so thankful for her humble wisdom, her God-honoring perspective and the honesty with which she has chronicled her family's beautiful journey for all these years. April writes with refreshing humility and vulnerability and balances her vocational ministry and family life with tender intentionality. Enjoy her post today!</i><br />
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<b>Moving Beyond Survival</b><br />
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For years we l.o.n.g.e.d to have a family. We tried the easy way, the hard way, the prayerful way, the natural way, the medical way…every way we knew how. When we reached our limit trying to have biological babies, we moved toward a dream God had put in our hearts years earlier – international adoption. Soon into our adoption process, I bumped in Bex in blog-land. A fast, mutual, and affectionate online friendship began. Though I’ve never met her in real life, we’ve prayed each other through years of crazy infertility, adoption, and pregnancy adventures.<br />
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After nearly 4 years from beginning to end, we brought home Judah and Addise (add-i-say) from Ethiopia. Just months later, the Mann’s brought home breathtaking Mercy. Judah was 2 ½ years old; Addise was just 11 months. Then, miraculously, 9 months later we were pregnant. Go back and read that again. PREGNANT. (Coincidentally, Bex got pregnant about a month before I did!) WITH CHILD. Then, our little bio boy decided he needed to meet his Ethiopian siblings early, so he arrived 7 weeks early.<br />
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In 15 months we went from zero to three children - 3 ½ years old, 2 years, and a newborn. And we effortlessly moved into survival mode. After years of longing, here we were. A not-so-instant family with a bazillion needs – medical, attachment, emotional, developmental.<br />
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Occasionally I showered, but I put on make-up every day just to feel a little feminine. For months, droves of friends brought food, ran errands, and cared for our basic needs. My mom visited from the Midwest to offer support and cooking skills about 6 times. Once an avid reader, I didn’t read a single book for over a year. I cleaned my house about every 3 weeks. I never, ever, ever worked out, though I grimaced at the post-baby pounds that didn’t fall off with breastfeeding like everyone promised (Liars, all of them). My husband got laid off from his job this past fall. All the while I continued pastoring full-time at our church. Life was – and is – crazy.<br />
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I’ve come to believe that surival mode is a gift from God. He graced us with the cloud of ignorance because we just couldn’t do anything more than survive. Now, 27 months into parenting our little brood I’m beginning to lift my head from the tyrrany of the urgent. Beginning. I’ve realized that our family’s had three unwritten, barely articulated goals in the madness of these past 2 years.<br />
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First, get $h!t done. Kids need to eat at least three times per day. They need clean diapers every once in a while. Dishes need to make their way from the table to the sink to the dishwasher. Baths are helpful a couple times a week. We need clean clothes. Bills must be paid. Email needs to be checked. Meetings needed to be planned and lead well. Plans needed to be developed. Everyday there’s just a lot of stuff to get done. So, get as much done as divinely possible.<br />
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Second, keep people alive. This is where meals and safety and wisdom came into play. But mainly feed the little ones and make sure they don’t drown in the bathtub while you’re cooking pasta.<br />
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Third, love each other as best we can. Our oldest two kiddos came home from Ethiopia with a host of (expected) issues – medical, language, developmental, attachment. Our littlest one came home from the hospital with a couple, minor medical issues and normal newborn needs. It’s very easy to let the multitude of real needs overtake the greatest need. At the end of the day, have we spoken kindly to each other? Have we smothered each other in kisses? Have my kids heard me say more than once today “I love you, no matter what”? Have our kids seen me kiss my husband and connect with him more than just as a “divide and conquer” partner? Have we smiled at each other more than we’ve barked instructions as we get $h!t done? Have we said “I’m sorry; will you forgive me” as needed? Love covers a multitude of sins.<br />
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So, that’s where we are these days. Three simple goals that are about more than we can handle. Sure, I can’t wait to get back to my pre-baby weight and go on bi-monthly dates with my man and have a normal 8-hour work day, but those days will come. I’m learning to embrace all the more the “unforced rhythms of grace” (Matthew 11) that Jesus offers me. He knows my madness and he’s okay with my survival these days. It’s actually in that surival that I can experience that supernatural grace and power that I desperately need. Amen.<br />
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April has pastored at Newsong Church (<a href="http://www.newsong.net/">www.newsong.net</a>) since 2004 and Willow Creek from 1997-2004. On the side, she contributes to Fuller Youth Institute and The Youth Cartel. Secretly, she’s a total girlie girl, reads more than she can put into practice, and still drools over her husband of 12 years. She loves being a mom to Judah (4.5), Addise (3), and Asher (1). They transform and inspire her more than most anything. You can follow her parenting journey at: <a href="http://planaethiopia.blogspot.com/">http://planaethiopia.blogspot.com</a>.</div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-74306360735925799532013-04-11T15:43:00.000-07:002013-04-16T15:06:10.076-07:00On Bread & Wine<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Several weeks ago I ran to the door as I heard the UPS man backing out of our long, narrow driveway. I knew exactly what he had left on my porch. I brought the package into the kitchen where my family was eating lunch, beaming. I ravenously ripped open the cardboard, pulled out the book and hungrily flipped through the pages. <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bread-Wine-Letter-Around-Recipes/dp/0310328179/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365718190&sr=8-1&keywords=bread+and+wine">Bread & Wine; A Love Letter to Life Around the Table with Recipes</a>,</i> by my very favorite author, <a href="http://shaunaniequist.com/">Shauna Niequist</a> had arrived at last. The second both kids were down for their naps, I snuck under the covers with my new book and opened it like a treasure chest, not knowing exactly what would be inside, but knowing for sure it would be worth the wait. And, it was. It is.<br />
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I was tempted to tear through the chapters with break-neck speed, yet I somehow found the self-control to slow down and to let the words soak into my soul. The book is rich and full; not a word is wasted, not paragraph is superflous. It is just right. I have noticed since the release of her second book,<i> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Bittersweet-Thoughts-Change-Grace-Learning/dp/0310328160/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365718298&sr=8-1&keywords=bittersweet">Bittersweet</a></i>, in 2010 how Shauna's voice, leadership and influence have steadily grown. Somewhere along the way, Shauna made the wise, but hard choice to let the bittersweet season of her life transform her, develop her, shape her and through it all she emerged more articulate, more beautiful, more dynamic. She speaks to this in <i>"Learning to Swim"</i>, the very first chapter of <i>Bittersweet</i>, but this quiet resolve is revealed to us breathtakingly in <i>Bread & Wine</i>. She is at her best (yet!). Shauna has a strong and special gift with words and humor and wisdom and storytelling. This has been polished, even perfected through her persistence. <i>Bread & Wine </i>is written in her mother-tongue; about food, family, friendships, hospitality. As effortless as it reads, any writer or book lover understands it takes a lot of time, courage and hard work to make words flow seamlessly, arranging and choosing them in a manner that communicates most clearly.<br />
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<i>Bread & Wine</i> is her most vulnerable book to date. From <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Cold-Tangerines-Celebrating-Extraordinary-Everyday/dp/0310329302/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365719075&sr=1-1&keywords=cold+tangerines">Cold Tangerines</a></i> to <i>Bittersweet</i> her story unfolds, and in this book her voice has new clarity as she opens up more of herself to her readers. This is a brave thing to do and I admire her for it. I loved reading about her childhood and family, about her memories and milestones, her preferences and personality, and about her <i>people</i>- those close friends who walk through life's ups and downs. Shauna is magnetic and brilliant, and her writing demonstrates this. She balances conviction with grace, vulnerability void of easy trip-ups, strength with fragility, questions and answers. Shauna invites her reader in on a whole new level in <i>Bread & Wine</i>. She is really offering up a piece of herself, offering up her love language, her experiences and her recipes to us all, making them seem doable, making us feel capable. This is not a cookbook. This is not a how-to book. This is not a book for moms or chefs or wives or people with the gift of hospitality or anything else super specific. <b>This is a book about people, about sharing who you are and what you have with those entrusted to your sphere of influence. </b><br />
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As I read through this book for the first time, I wrote notes of my own emotions and experiences. I cried in some places and laughed in some, too. I underlined and highlighted and read sections out loud. <i>I ate it up</i>. When I read it the second time, I beheld it as a tender gift. <i>Bread & Wine</i> is a gift not just because the writing is so sharp, the technical skill so beautiful, although that is certainly true. It is a gift because she poured out part of herself. Whenever someone does that, lets us really see in, it is a gift and should be treated as such. Now, admittedly I'm an invested reader. I've blogged about Shauna's writing and her influence in my life many times and if we have spent much time together at all, you've heard me talk about her. <i>I'm rooting for Shauna in a real way. I feel in some small sense that across the miles and over the years I have walked with her.</i> I remember blog posts written in between some of the chapters she shares in this book. I remember when she visited my very own living room and talked about her marathon training and her beloved table. I remember sitting on a small red love-seat in Ethiopia, reading that she was thirteen weeks pregnant with Mac, and even though our daughter's adoption was newly finalized and we were headed home as a family of three, I shrieked and clapped with delight and hot tears sprung to my eyes like this was the only piece of good news I'd heard all month- <i>Shauna has a healthy pregnancy, finally, thank you, Jesus. </i><br />
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As has happened <i>three times in a row</i>, her books release right in the middle of a season in my life in which I cannot find the words to articulate what I am experiencing, how I am feeling, who I am becoming. I'm a little bit scared, a little bit lost, a little bit detached, bracing myself. And then her book arrives and as I read I realize in a very real way that she has given words to my feelings, my fears, my dreams, my beliefs. And a part of me that had been numb for a long time begins to defrost once more. Her writing causes me to sit up a little straighter, to notice things with a bit more clarity, to prioritize my life with more conviction, to live with more intention, to hold onto hope, to be gentle, to lean in, to celebrate, share, write and on the list goes. Her writing is life-giving to me, and to so many of my friends. That sort of what's magical about Shauna; so many of us feel a strong connection to her, like she speaks for us, as well as to us.<br />
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My Advanced Reader's Copy has dozens of pages folded in at the corners, has a hundred sentences underlined and several dozen paragraphs circled with small notes to the side. You'd be hard pressed to find a page that's been left alone entirely. I thought about inserting a few quotes into this post, but it was so overwhelming to slim down the list and truthfully, <i>I feel the power and wisdom of these words are best received within the context of the entire chapter, when you see the culmination of the thought process , as she unpacks an entire experience and unveils an important emotion or conviction. Bread & Wine has a powerful, rich cumulative effect, actually. Each chapter seems to build on the last</i>, not chronologically, but layered, intangible. This book is really a <i>book</i>, not simply a series of blog posts or vignettes to stand alone. <i>Bread & Wine</i> is best savored and understood as a whole.<br />
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I cannot recommend <i>Bread & Wine</i> to you highly enough. I suggest buying one for yourself (hard copy, never in Kindle or Nook form) and another copy or two so you always have one to loan out to someone, anyone you encounter. Buy one for your co-workers, your sisters and mom, your friends. Just, never buy only one. Introduce someone in your life to her writing and they will thank you for it. You will have this book on your shelf for decades to come and you will look back at it from time to time, not just for the recipes, but for the warmth and wisdom that Shauna offers. I've read <i>Cold Tangerines</i> and <i>Bittersweet</i> both three times in totally separate seasons and each time something new sticks out and speaks to me differently.<br />
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Hear me on this: I believe Shauna is one of the most compelling and influential writers of our day, her voice resonates deeply with so many of us, for so many reasons. I don't want you or anyone you know to miss out on this opportunity to learn, to grow, to be encouraged and inspired, to lean-in and to listen to her story that we may better live our own.<br />
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A quick note about the recipes. They are to die for, I'm sure. I drool over every ingredient list. I have yet to make one single thing. But I will. When I first received the book I was in my first-trimester and although I could happily read about food, I would practically fall over from nausea the second I stepped foot in the kitchen. However, my people and I are taking Shauna up on her cooking club model, with menu suggestions and a lovely discussion guide beginning next month. I cannot wait. I'm excited to try the food she so dearly loves. I'm excited to share a special meal with special people and to share our lives in a richer, deeper way. I'm beyond thankful for the numerous appendixes in this book because they will help so many of us bring her ideas to life in our own homes.<br />
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*In the spirit of authenticity, I feel I should tell you I am writing this book review about food and cooking while eating an extra large slice of cold pizza like it's the last meal my mouth with ever see. Because I'm fancy like that. </div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-91358303427855143212013-03-30T23:06:00.004-07:002013-04-19T20:51:27.084-07:00Becoming Five<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">...Bun in the oven. I'm fourteen weeks pregnant!</td></tr>
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It was mid-January. Jude had just turned 8 months and I celebrated my 29th birthday with renewed vitality. I was back into my very favorite jeans. I was rested. I was strong. My head was clear. My heart was full. I was looking forward to 2013; The year of being neither pregnant nor post-partum. That's the only way I've known this city and the only way it's known me. While my pregnancy with Jude had been incredibly smooth, I hadn't realized until afterward how much energy it had taken to create this little life within me. With each passing month after his birth I began to feel more and more alive, invigorated, energized. I was feeling like myself again and was excited to uncover what this next season held. A sense of independence was returning to me and I knew this was important after the years of transition.<br />
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Some time between Thanksgiving and Christmas Josh and I admitted to ourselves and to each other that 2012 was a grind and that we were exhausted.We concluded that although 2012 was a very good year, we couldn't do 2013 in the same way or at the same pace. We hoped to spend 2013 unencumbered by any major shift or change. It was time to get settled, to find a sustainable rhythm, to go deeper instead of wider.<br />
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A couple weeks after returning from time with Josh's family in Minnesota, I was at the grocery store when my sister-in-law, Erin, who recently posted a <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2013/03/guest-reflections-part-4-erin.html">Guest Reflection</a>, revealed she was pregnant*. When we'd all been together she and her husband shared that they'd just entered the, "We're ready to start a family" phase. Talk about results! Standing in front of the sweet potatoes I instantly became teary-eyed, overcome by goosebumps and almost abandoning a cart full of groceries so I could go outside to celebrate loudly. Josh and I were elated at their news.<br />
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Two days later we were preparing to go out with friends to celebrate Josh's birthday over tacos, guacamole and margaritas. Josh was finishing lunch with the kids. The babysitter was on her way. I was upstairs getting ready. I was so jazzed to spend a half day with Josh. But my thoughts drifted...<br />
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That morning, prompted by Erin's recent news and looking forward to that evening's margaritas, I counted the days. I hadn't counted days in forever. I hadn't needed to. "...29, 30, 31...Okay. Not a big deal. My body is just getting back into the swing of things, so it's a little off."<br />
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One hour later I stared disbelievingly at the digital test, the word "Pregnant" practically yelling at me from the counter. After momentarily hyperventilating (how could it be that easy?!), I called for Josh to come upstairs <i>right now</i>, my voice trembling, my heart racing. As we processed together, I recognized this as an intimate moment in our marriage; one that I'm proud of, one that we earned through years of building trust and practicing vulnerability. Raw and all over the map, we were safe to one another in that moment, and it became sacred. In the midst of scattered emotions I saw that we did have the capacity, with God's continued faithfulness, to welcome another baby into our young family.<br />
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<b>How do you feel?</b> This pregnancy has been all together different than the last. Being first-trimester pregnant and exclusively breastfeeding created a hot mess of the most unbelievable hormones and required every last ounce of energy I had. Those first weeks were brutal. The clear-minded, energized, strong, optimistic girl I'd been in mid-January had disappeared by the first of February. It took a bit to adjust to how different I felt. I was sick to my stomach most of the time and discouraged. At week 10, I turned a corner and now I feel pretty much fine. These days I'm looking forward to the anatomy ultrasound in May and meeting our third baby in late September.<br />
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<b>Were you trying? </b>The kind of person who desires to have a sixteen month gap between two children, who intentionally sets out to have three kids three years old and younger, who purposely adds one child to her family three years in a row.... that is an <i>entirely</i> different kind of person than me. We had been in transition mode for nearly two years. As I mentioned above, we were ready to settle down, to settle in. Actually, we stopped trying in February 2009. I was quite surprised to learn of my pregnancy with Jude in September 2011 and totally surprised to be pregnant with this little baby as well. (Loads of significant stories not shared in this paragraph are woven into this timeline.)<br />
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Family of origin usually sets the strongest framework for how we most naturally filter life as adults. We either had wonderful experiences and want our marriage and family to reflect and recreate this, or we had the kinds of experiences that cause us to create distinct variations, or most commonly- both. Josh grew up as the middle child with brothers 3.5 years apart on either side. He loved it. I am the oldest of four kids. My brother is 3 years younger, my sister 4.5 year younger, and my youngest brother 7.5 years younger. I loved it. Yes, there were times growing up I wished we were closer in age- like it was a bummer that I was not in middle school or high school at the same time as my sister. But overall I liked the age gap because I felt it gave each of us an opportunity to be individuals, to chart a unique course, to celebrate our personal milestones and successes, and to sort out our setbacks and shortcomings.<br />
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When I thought family planning was up to me, I had hoped to be pregnant at 24, 27 and 30, and then start our Chinese adoption process. I am so incredibly thankful (really, we should <i>all</i> be so thankful) it didn't work out this way. Jesus had the fullest access to my life and did some of His best work in my heart because of the road I was on from 23-27. I cannot begin to comprehend who I'd be if I had become a mom at 24 or if I didn't have Mercy as my daughter. He is merciful, intentional and doesn't waste our waiting.<br />
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<b>So then were you preventing? </b>Yes, but technically no. Bear with me. Having endured nearly five years of excruciating infertility, I personally found it extremely difficult to wrap my mind around using birth control. Actually, I could wrap my <i>mind</i> around it; preventing pregnancy for the moment because you don't want another baby just yet. Sounds pretty straightforward. I guess I just didn't have the wherewithal to follow through, to swallow those little pills or put on a patch or get a shot or anything else. I couldn't do it. It was a head game. I had really complex feelings about purposely trying to stop something we had so desperately wanted to start not so long ago. Honestly, Josh and I never came to an agreement on this. My midwife didn't push me. Josh made it clear he wanted us to be intentional about this, and we had planned to pursue adoption for our next addition. I was breastfeeding around the clock and there were other signs my body was still only capable of caring for one infant, not creating a new one. So I pushed the conversation to the side and put the decision off. Soon, I said. I'll make a decision soon.<br />
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And here we are.<br />
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God is the giver of every good gift and His timing is can be trusted and His grace is enough. Every baby is a miracle, to be celebrated and cherished. And that's exactly what we're going to do. We're going to celebrate this pregnancy and cherish this baby and look forward to becoming a family of five. I can't wait to hold this baby in my arms this fall.<br />
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*Erin and I are due on the exact same day.</div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-12545279404903170912013-03-26T21:37:00.000-07:002013-03-26T21:37:38.044-07:00Guest Reflections. Part 4. Erin.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>Thanks for coming back again. I hope you are enjoying these Guest Reflections as much as I am. What an honor to read what my friends are learning, loving or are leaning into these days. It's such an encouragement to me. We're really not so different, are we? We're really all adjusting, flexing, coping, hoping, changing, growing, improving, tweaking, learning. I wonder what rises to the top when you think about something that's causing you to lean in, learn or say, "I love this!", lately? I'd love if you would process this and share it with us. If you'd like, leave me a comment and I'll be in touch. </i><br />
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<i>Today's post is from my very first sister-in-law. I won the lottery as far as SIL's go. I really did. Both Erin and Natalie are remarkable women and have become dear friends. Erin's been around the Mann family since she and Jeremy (Josh's younger brother) were in high school. When I traveled to Minnesota with Josh for the very first time in late 2004, to meet his family and attend the wedding of one of his college BFF's, Erin was already on the scene and I was so grateful for her relaxed, easy-going, accepting demeanor. I distinctly remember the night Josh was hosting the bachelor party for his friend and I was going to spend the evening alone with Josh's parents and brother. The plan was simple enough; a movie and then late night appetizers and dessert.<u> I was terrified</u>. When I learned Erin would join us it was a total game-changer. Something about being an "outsider" (not related) made me feel a sense of camaraderie with her. She was endearing and engaging, neither over the top nor uninterested. She was just herself; Steady, wise, hilarious. Several years later when Erin and Jeremy were engaged and Erin asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I cried at the honor, at the significance. It meant so much to me to be brought in to her life and our new family at this level.</i><br />
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<i>These days Erin is one of my closest friends; she's creative, one of the funniest people I've ever known, interesting and so smart, never too cool, always encouraging and you can count on her to empathize with whatever you're going through. What a gift to be related to your friend, which means seeing each other every time the family gathers from around the world to vacation together. I only wish we lived closer. And traveled together more often. Especially these days...</i><br />
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Something I’ve always admired about Bex is her ability to reflect on life in meaningful ways. Every time I am with her I leave feeling inspired to pay closer attention to what’s happening in my own world, my own heart. And I think I’ve made strides in my own ability to do this in many ways.<br />
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In some ways, the last three months of my life have called out of me deeper, more natural reflection than usual. I’m learning valuable lessons about myself, and God is slowly and gently beginning to show me how he wants to teach and develop me in this season.<br />
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But as I sat thinking about what I’ve been loving, learning, leaning into lately, my mind went to one place, and one place only. SLEEP. The fact that I’ve spent the past 13 weeks with my first bun in the oven may explain why my foggy mind is filled with dwelling on the beauty of sleep. But LET ME TELL YOU I have been desperately loving sleep. Learning of the goodness of the gift of rest. And leaning into the couch as often as I can over these past few months.<br />
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As silly as it may sound, I feel like God is tangibly and graciously caring for me these days through sleep. My need for rest, as well as the rest itself, is for me a sweet reminder of my own humanity, and his tender mercy. My back may ache, my stomach may be in a constant uneasy state, but the promise of tucking into my bed comes at the end of each and every day. It reminds me of what is promised to the Christian. There’s no promise of a lack of bumps in the road, or a comfortable ride. In fact, you can count on it being rough. But the Lord is always at hand. And He gives us just enough of what we need, just when we need it to make it through. Praise Jesus! So thankful to be a child of the God of rest.<br />
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26 years old. Home is currently in Chicago with my husband of almost five years, our ill-mannered pooch, and six lady chickens who live in the backyard. I’m becoming a Nurse Practitioner, the husband is becoming a pastor. There’s a whole lot of studying that happens under our roof, but we’re happy, and friends are always close by. <a href="http://erinem.wordpress.com/">erinem.wordpress.com</a><br />
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-58377036500871968472013-03-25T15:10:00.002-07:002013-03-25T15:12:06.812-07:00Guest Reflections. Part 3. Chelsea.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>Welcome back for another insightful installment of Guest Reflections, a series of posts by friends sharing something they are learning, loving or are leaning-into lately. Today's author and I met on a summer mission trip to Mexico after my freshman year in high school. Shortly thereafter our younger brothers became close friends, and she and I have planned to marry off her youngest sister and my youngest brother for about fifteen years. Chelsea is like the big sister I always wanted. The funny thing is, she's only six months older than me, but a whole grade level ahead in school, which obviously is a big deal in that stage of life. I've always looked up to her and followed her lead. Coincidentally, we both got our noses pierced on the same day, then several years later became engaged on the same day, too. See? Sister status. </i><br />
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<i>Chelsea and I spent many evenings sipping frappacinos in high school and then spent the next season nearby in Seattle. I had always planned on attending SPU, so when she went a year ahead of me I began to count the days until I could join her in our favorite city. As it went, Chelsea became roommates with a super sweet girl named Ashley and the quickly two became inseparable. It just so happened Ashley had a super sweet sister just one year younger who was planning to attend SPU the following year. Chelsea and Ashley did some match-making over the summer and before we could say, "Space Needle!", Lindey and I became true soul-mates and roommates at Ashton Second East that fall. Two sister sets. Such a gift.</i><br />
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<i>It is impossible for me to overemphasize how cool Chelsea is. She is the definition of the word, and always has been. Her rockin' style, her laid-back personality, her enduring loyalty, her killer Cross-Fit body, her glossy black hair, her creative tattoos and her complete devotion both her family and to Jesus are all out of this world cool. She is a role model to me in so many ways. I am so thankful for the gift of her friendship and the years of her influence in my life. Enjoy her wise words below.</i><br />
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__________________<br />
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I've been drawn to the proverbial "whodunit" my whole life. In fact, my DVR is currently crammed full of story lines (mostly British in nature;) that have a mystery attached; some underlying truth to discover. I find myself craving an answer to why or how. Have you been there? I assume it's all part of this human experience to delight our curiosity and pursue answers or solutions, but I think the most captivating part of a good mystery is that point at which someone makes a choice and it turns the tide of the story. I've been mulling over mystery. And more so that moment; what suddenly clicks to turn the direction of one person's life. Many times this moment reveals our fears and whether they are stronger than our faith. Many times this moment doesn't just remain stagnant. It can spawn a life of it's own: reverberating from our life into another.<br />
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As of late, I've been leaning into the mystery of God. It's an aspect of my walk that I do not hear much on at church or in bible studies, because there isn't a "one size fits all" answer. It's incredible to me that a once completely veiled living God allows that veil to torn making Himself known and vulnerable, and available for relationship. I am the first to admit I don't fully understand Him. The more I dive into His word the more I see Him for who He is: the great I AM, healer, peace-giver, fearsome, glorious, comforter, guider, lover, and mercy-filled. I could fill a book with His attributes. And yet I do not fully comprehend Him. And what I'm discovering is: That's OK. That's part of living here. Of being His.<br />
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Most times in my life I do NOT see how or where or why he's working until much later or sometimes not at all. The humanity in me screams, "BUT WHY?" and then I lean into His promises, but other times it screams even more loudly over the former comfort, "BUT HOW?" and then I run to His word and search. And after a lifetime of being a Christ follower; walking with Him through times of ease and times of absolute hurt I think it comes down to this: I absolutely may not know the why or the how right now or EVER and I may not understand His ways, but I will make every effort to trust His Words.<br />
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Our nature is not to sit with someone mired in s@#$ and say, "I am so sorry you're in this dark place. I do not know why you're here or what He's going to do, but I will have faith it's for our good and His glory." We want to say, "Oh, it's so good you two broke up, you deserve better." OR "God is trying to teach you (fill in the blank)." or "This same thing happened to my friend and she..." OR "Heaven needed an angel." The fact is at times we DO NOT know why or how. We just don't. And it takes more courage to admit we do not understand and STILL trust God in a world full of alternative answers and solutions.<br />
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<b>Job 11:7-11</b><br />
<b>7 "Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? 8 They are higher than the heavens--what can you do? They are deeper than the depths of the grave--what can you know? 9 Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea. 10 "If he comes along and confines you in prison and convenes a court, who can oppose him? 11 Surely he recognizes deceitful men; and when he sees evil, does he not take note? </b><br />
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I want to delight in the mystery of the Almighty. I am leaning into the concept of allowing Him to handle what I don't understand, to take care of what I can't, and to focus my gaze on Him relentlessly, regardless of the circumstances. Because He does see. He does overcome. His ways are best. Can I get an Amen?!<br />
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<b>Isaiah 55:8-9</b><br />
<b>8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,</b><br />
<b> neither are your ways my ways,”</b><br />
<b>declares the Lord.</b><br />
<b>9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,</b><br />
<b> so are my ways higher than your ways</b><br />
<b> and my thoughts than your thoughts.</b><br />
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I'm Chelsea Bell; a 29 year old wife and mama, living in the rainy and lush Pacific Northwest. I love Jesus, my family, and my tub caddy...<br />
Blog: <a href="http://www.ringthesebells.blogspot.com/">www.ringthesebells.blogspot.com</a><br />
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-55537562735931368342013-03-20T15:01:00.001-07:002013-03-20T15:08:56.925-07:00Guest Reflections. Part 2. Paula.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>Friends, I'm back again with another sweet round of Guest Reflections. I recently asked a few friends to <b>write about something they are loving, learning or leaning-into lately</b>. Together we are creating a collection of stories. Last week you heard from my mama friend, Britt, on something she is leaning-into. Today you have the joy of reading from my best friend, Paula, about something she is absolutely loving these days. </i><br />
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<i>Paula and I met when she was interviewing for the position of High School Pastor at our church in Salem. When I discovered she was coming into town, I waited by the receptionist desk nearly all morning so I could be the first to greet her (check her out). When she arrived in Salem a few weeks later to begin her new role we instantly became best friends. For two years we shared everything about our young lives over tacos, chips, guacamole and root beer every single Tuesday at lunch... and actually, usually Wednesday or Thursday or Friday, too. We were inseparable... Until she and her husband upped and moved to Korea to teach English. On her last day in town we incessantly created new reasons to see each other to avoid saying good-bye/ say good-bye just one more time. I cried like a baby on my front porch as I watched her drive away for the last time. Paula knows how to be a best friend. And she taught me. Through her generosity and her grace, most of all. Please enjoy her Guest Reflections post today and leave her lots of encouraging feedback in the comments section. </i><br />
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I was at Barnes & Noble over the weekend, minding my own business, when suddenly this book cover shot out across the aisle to me:<br />
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And I was all, "Good question, book. I seriously have no idea right now."<br />
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It's funny, when I was in college I used to idealize turning 25. I thought that was the perfect age to know exactly who you are and what you want out of life. Like somehow after twenty five years of life on Earth you arrive at this supreme, blissful state and the rest of your life is easy. You know who you are, what you want, and are finally pursuing it. Then you find your dream job, get married, have a couple kids, and call it good.<br />
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Now I'm 27 and I can't help but to say, "Bless your heart," to that dear, sweet, and naive college girl I used to be.<br />
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I'm at a place in my life where my identity is in major transition mode - the kind that keeps you up at night and aches with loneliness. I find myself navigating the rough waters of my later twenties where I still haven't figured out who I am or exactly what I am supposed to be doing.<br />
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This is where Caroline Myss comes in. She's devoted her life to studying archetypes and introduces the book like this...<br />
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"If I said to you, 'See that man over there? He's my Hero.' Or 'That woman is the Perfect Mom.' I know without a doubt that you would understand exactly what I was communicating to you about two people you had never met. With just three words -Hero, Perfect, Mom- I would have awakened in you two complete archives of myths and symbols that you automatically associate with those terms. In seconds, these two people would cease to be strangers, as your psyche wrapped them in stories, fairy tales, and your own memories."<br />
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Isn't she genius already?<br />
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Well then there's a whole <a href="https://www.archetypeme.com/user/quiz">website</a> devoted to all things archetype (created by the lovely and talented Cristina Carlino who founded the Philosophy skin-care company, don't you just love that brand?!) You can take the quiz, find your top three, and have a page that updates daily about who you are and what you like.<br />
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Yes please!<br />
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The book has begun a sweet little inner journey of self-reflection that is just what the Quarter-Life-Crisis Doctor ordered. I am discovering why I do the things I do, why I like the things I like, and hopefully / maybe / possibly figuring out what I want to do about it all. If you are wondering who you are or what you should be doing with your life, I highly recommend this read!<br />
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Hello there! My name is Paula and I'm a sucker for fashion, art, and travel. My hubbs is named Matt and he's the love of my life - we've been BFFs since 2007. We live in Sacramento where he works at a law firm and I nanny for one adorable family with three sweet little ones. I keep a log of these and a few other interests over at <a href="http://www.paulamento.com/">paulamento.com </a></div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-46180426966742557562013-03-12T20:46:00.003-07:002013-03-20T15:15:29.017-07:00Guest Reflections, Part 1. Brittany.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>As you can clearly see, my blog has been silent since December. Truth be told, I am writing loads of posts in my head every day. And they're rich, meaningful, with just the right dose of humor. I simply get stuck when it comes time to sit down and write it out. I compose my best work on a walk, falling asleep at night, in the shower or on a drive in the car. I'm a work in progress and so is this blog. I've not given up on it. </i><br />
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<i>In the meantime, I thought to invite some of my friends to share their own personal reflections. Together we will form a beautiful, diverse collection. And that's exactly what this blog is all about. Today's post is written by a kindred-spirit of sorts. We've passed each other like ships in the night, living in the same town at almost exactly opposite times. We knew each other well before motherhood, but this is the season in which her humor, insight and growth shine brightest. She's hilarious and she is leaning in to life whole-heartedly. Enjoy these wise words by Brittany Cox of <a href="http://www.brittanyncox.com/">The Blabbery</a>. </i><br />
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I’ve always been quick to plan. In my later teen years I remember a boyfriend saying to me, <i>can we just relax for a moment?</i> But that wasn’t how my tick tocked, and Beyonce had my back when my returning argument was, <i>I’m an independent woman. So back it up, and let’s roll with what I want to do. </i><br />
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<i>All you WEH-MEN who INDE-PENDANT, throw yo’ hands up in da air</i><br />
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<i>All da FELL-AHS who gettin’ JELL-US… </i><br />
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Stop? It’s time to stop.<br />
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Growth has taken hold in my life for many years since my days of bossing other’s around – but it’s still a powerful negative quality I can have in conquering my daily circumstances.<br />
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Being a Mom first hit me like an unsuspecting teen getting sent away to boot camp. I was juggling a new life that routinely conflicted with what plans I had set out for the day. My this-is-how-it’s-gonna-happen attitude was fierce and wanted control. Ahem, <u>still</u> wants control.<br />
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Learning to let go of my Type A personality was half best-thing-that-ever-happened half worst-year-of-my-life in that first 12 months of motherhood (not that I’ve mastered it or anything). Agendas tend to have a grip on me. A strong, Vin Diesel like grip. I like to own my surroundings and I like them to follow my lead. Turns out – babies don’t hear the cue, babies don’t see the cue, there is no cue with babies.<br />
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It’s been a tough daily regimen starting my day off with <i>maybe we’ll make it out of the house today </i>instead of a list of what I want to do: starbucks, target, park-date, naptime. As silly as it sounds, mindsets like, <i>I have to accomplish this today</i> are total ball-busters. Can I say that? Ball-busters.<br />
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Little did I know beginning life as a new Mom with my need for accomplishments would be my biggest setback of all. Now, accomplishments aren’t bad. Ho’ No. But, when my days finished with a list of what I didn’t complete rather than a list of what I did – it was easy to get down on myself. Even if my accomplishments were simply playing with my kids and doing half a load of laundry, I would be downcast that I didn’t mop the kitchen floors or wash my daughter’s sheets.<br />
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The realization I’ve come to as a Mom is that: ladies (or dudes), <i>we’re too hard on ourselves</i>. Lots of times I see my own expectations and failures become my identity. The anxiety I deal with on the daily is brought on by, <i>oh hey overachieving Mother</i> – ME. The correlation between my own self-inflicted stresses and the attitude of my kids and husband is hand-in-hand. When I get bogged down on myself – my family tend to soak up the attitude I reinforce. So how do I learn to relax?<br />
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Lots of prayer. I know, it sounds so cheesy. But with my foundation being a spoken, written, internal relationship with God throughout the day – my mindset most days can be: <u>I will not be shaken</u>. Meaning, those times when my my two-year old needs a time-out before we go to the park, or my newborn son has to feed at the same exact time my daughter <i>absolutely</i> needs apple juice and her favorite Dora episode (slowly morphing into an hour-long-high-pitched tantrum where I end up picking my son up to feed him in my room with my door shut. No, no, no, that totally didn’t happen today. Omg hey, mommy cry sesh). When situations like this happen, my blood boils and my head gets jumbled with emotions, and my initial reaction without my steadfast hold onto God is: throw in the towel. Peace out, motherhood. You were cute for a sec, but this kid is crying and someone needs to handle that sitch. Husband? You coming home early?<br />
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P.S. Calling my husband to come home early is usually a ball-buster, too. Dangit.<br />
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Here’s where I’m at in a short paragraph. I’m learning to <i>let go</i>. Give myself a break most days and, hey, if the one thing I accomplished was I fed both kids and kept them alive – I succeeded in another day in motherhood. God absolutely has to be apart of my day for my mind to survive in it. They may be small and cute, but man, kids are testy and mess with your brain. If we want to keep it together as moms, we’ve got to cut ourselves some slack, and we’ve got to remind ourselves who God is.<br />
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<i>My name is Brittany, and I'm a young mother of two learning new growth each day marriage and motherhood has for me. Writing has always been a great form of self-therapy for me -- although I don't have too many high school journals to show for it (I burned them all my senior year in hopes my parents wouldn't find the horrible things I said about them). Thankfully, my emotional writing has turned a new leaf and I write motherhood-updates on my blog <a href="http://www.brittanyncox.com/">The Blabbery</a>, which gets my attention, sadly, a sad amount these days. I'm married to a graphic designer & glasses wearing man named Ron and have been for six years. Together we have our kids, Finley and Riv, and our two mildly behaved dogs Solo and Millie. </i><br />
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<i>Bless Britt for her insight to this sacred struggle. Comments welcome. You know what to do. </i><br />
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-22013888297768788822012-12-18T11:24:00.001-08:002012-12-18T11:26:48.831-08:00From "Daring Greatly"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: georgia, serif;">I've been reading a really compelling book, <i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592407331/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1354643934&sr=8-1&keywords=daring+greatly" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Daring Greatly</a></i>, by a shame & vulnerability researcher from The University of Houston. Chapter 7 addresses parenting and I thought I'd share this section I read last night with you today:</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;">Wholehearted Parenting: Daring to be the Adults We Want our Children to be:</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;">Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictions of how our children will do than what we know about parenting. In terms of teaching our children to dare greatly in the "never enough" culture, the question isn't so much "Are you parenting the right way?" as it is: "Are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be?"...</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;">Vulnerability lies at the center of the family story. It defines our moments of greatest joy, fear, sorrow, shame, disappointment, love, belonging, gratitude, creativity, and everyday wonder. Whether were holding our children or standing beside them or chasing them down or talking through a locked door, vulnerability is what shapes who we are and who our children are.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;">By pushing away vulnerability, we turn parenting into a competition that's about knowing, proving, executing, and measuring rather than <u>being</u>. If we put aside the question of "Who's better?' and put down the yardsticks of school admissions, grades, sports, trophies, and accomplishments, I think the vast majority of us will agree that what we want for our children is what we want for ourselves- we want to raise children who live and love with their whole hearts.....</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: georgia, serif;">In other words, if we want our children to love and accept who they are, our job is to love and accept who <u>we</u> are. We can't use fear, shame, blame, and judgement in our own lives if we want to raise courageous children. Compassion and connection- the very things that give purpose and meaning to our lives- can only be learned if they are first experienced. And our families are our first opportunities to experience these things."</span></i></div>
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I am truly utilizing all self-control not to quote the whole chapter/ entire book. Her work and her writing are meaningful, understandable, personal and frankly, eye-opening. I read things that made me say out loud, "Whoa. I have been living that, been experiencing that for ages, but have never been able to articulate it. I thought it was just me". Seeing these things written down, proven by years of research and addressed head on was freeing and exhilarating. Her work and her writing captures the human experience. I would highly recommend <i>Daring Greatly</i>, or anything Brene Brown has written. </div>
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<a href="http://www.brenebrown.com/">Brene</a> also writes a blog, which is loaded with additional resources. Below are two manifesto's she shares in <i>Daring Greatly</i>.</div>
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-15547358842464491252012-12-11T10:52:00.000-08:002012-12-11T10:58:26.130-08:00On Sitting Down and Showing Up<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm sitting at my desk, in the dark, lukewarm coffee at my side. The rain is coming down. The house is quiet after a slightly rushed morning. While Monday is our slow family day, Tuesday morning always seems to come out of nowhere and suddenly we snap to it, then hustle to get everyone out the door in time. Jude is sick. It worries me when my little baby has a cough! As soon as someone in our family gets better and we head back into our weekly activities, someone gets sick again. Only for the past month it has been Jude <i>every single time</i>. Yesterday he wore this pensive, painful look on his face that made me want to cry; it was so evident he didn't feel well. It's so scary when infants are sick. He slept perfectly last night, woke up alert, then was sick again this morning. Now, we've both changed clothes twice and the laundry is started. I'll take the coffee, even if it is cold.<br />
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I sat down to write yesterday morning, too. I actually got a great start on what turned out to be a meaningful piece... but then it got decently vulnerable and a little bit messy and I could tell the reflection was still in process and not ready to be published. This happens a lot. I want to develop a habit of writing regularly, which will help my writing improve, like shooting free throws every day will improve a foul shot. But when I write to post, I end up discouraged because my writing becomes too deep and too personal, then I feel like I've wasted my time since it cannot be published, at least not yet. </div>
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At times like this Josh is the best person to have on my team and at my side. He offers such wise perspective and articulates so clearly what I'm feeling in my gut. I know my bar is set pretty high. I have equated "Publish" with "Perfect". And when I can't hit that target, I feel dejected and give up. I put in the time but have "nothing to show for it". This is why I have as many drafts as I have published posts. Writing to publish is the number one enemy of my writing. I want to blog and love to blog, but Josh helped me realize posting is not the number one priority right now. It's about the writing. It's about lifting my gaze from the next ten posts, to the next ten years of faithful, messy, vulnerable writing. It's about showing up, not churning out. </div>
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So this is the tension of having a blog I love and desiring to post consistently, but struggling to find the right balance with my content; not too personal or in process, but still true and sincere. If I post about a subject I care about, how can I write about it thoroughly, but without feeling the piece must be a dissertation addressing every potential perspective and push-back? If I desire to document a fun family memory, a personal reflection or a child's milestone, how can I be free from feeling I must either post about every little thing (that's hard to keep up and not always relevant) or nothing at all. </div>
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This much I know: I must keep writing. When I write I feel God's Presence. When I write I hear His voice. When I write I see His work. When I write I praise His name. When I write I remember His faithfulness. To continue writing I must wrestle with my sky-high expectations. If the target is perfection, I will forever be paralyzed by uncertainty. Progress over perfection. Patience over productivity . If the only options are <i>all </i>or <i>nothing</i>, I will be disappointed. Oh, but wait! This is true in more areas than writing.</div>
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What about you? Where in your life do you need to practice patience and progress over productivity and perfection? What tensions are you leaning into now? How do you change your expectations mid-course? How do you tell yourself the truth? Who else tells you the truth?<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">If you're wondering where the last year of posts went, I need to move them from the old site and post them here.</span></i></div>
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-64497890607629549052012-12-08T12:00:00.000-08:002012-12-08T12:00:31.409-08:00Family in the News<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Josh's brother, Jason, lives in Hong Kong with his beautiful wife, Natalie, and amazing baby boy, Pip. And what do you know, they're in the news. <div>
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A few years back we were in Minnesota visiting Josh's parents. As we wandered through the Mall of America, I looked up to see Natalie's gorgeous face staring at me from the huge Lenscrafter's ad in their store. I was so taken aback! I called the family over and we took pictures with our model relative. She had done a few commercial photo shoots, but was never totally sure what would get used, when and where. </div>
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And here they are again, this time famous in a foreign land!</div>
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They are flying back to America for Christmas and we will all be reunited on New Year's Eve! They will get to meet Jude Boy and we will get to meet Pip (really, he's Jason Jr., but Pip is the beloved nickname). I'm so looking forward to our time together as a family. It's been eighteen months since the 11 of us were all together. </div>
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-63503228897008686142012-12-05T23:55:00.000-08:002012-12-06T00:45:23.798-08:00Nearly Wordless Wednesday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
See also: Blogging Cop-Out. <br />
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It's 11:55pm though, and I only got five hours of sleep night (date night, then random household stuff, then it was 1am and the morning alarm was set for 6am). Also I'm using the Blogger app on my iPad and it doesn't have a two star review for nothing.<br />
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Today I'm thankful for early mornings. No matter how late I go to bed, I am still drawn to early-rising. I'm thankful for the smell of coffee drawing me out of my warm cocoon. I'm thankful to study Genesis this year, which has become one of my favorite books in the Bible, the earliest days of God's persistent pursuit of all people back into right relationship with Him and one another. I'm thankful for lunch around the table, with sippy cups, cheese sticks, rice cereal and soup set beside Advent books and magazines and teething toys. I'm thankful for snuggles, songs and books with the babes. <br />
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I spent an afternoon to myself enjoying a bang trim, sparkling water with extra lemon, a vegetarian fajita bowl from Chipotle, and a trip to Trader Joe's for holiday treats. I snagged some dark chocolate gingerbread cookies, candy cane green tea, pear cinnamon cider, a gingerbread house kit, a poinsettia, peppermint pretzels, and gingerbread coffee. I got a little out of control. Tonight we ate dinner with a group of friends who spearheaded our recent global missions fundraiser. When Josh and I arrived home, we enjoyed one of those incredible spontaneous conversations where dreams and reflections and strategy and vulnerability converged, filling my tank in a mighty way. Now, it's bedtime. Glorious bedtime. <br />
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-70950950020903929532012-12-04T23:18:00.000-08:002012-12-04T23:53:23.899-08:00Getting Lost in Sweet Memories<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Nearly every time I sit down to write I very quickly find myself scrolling through dozens of posts from our sacred adoption season.<br />
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And I get absolutely lost in the sweet memories. An hour passes by in the blink of an eye.<br />
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I <i>love</i> to read those posts and look at those pictures and remember. And oh, I remember it all so vividly. This journey is etched on my heart and mind. The feelings, the yearning, the anticipation, the joy, the growth, the waiting, the community, the celebration, the sanctification. The "He did it again!" moments. The "it takes a village" mentality. What a rich season.<br />
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When asked about our adoption experience I strive to communicate that this was the best sixteen month stretch of my life. Old friends generally understand the sacredness and significance of this season. New acquaintances often look a bit bewildered. It seems they really want to believe me, but don't quite understand how it could be so good when so much of what they've heard about adoption paints the picture that "adoption" is synonymous with, "long, hard, uncertain". Undeniably, loss and struggle are par for the course, as with many meaningful roads we walk in life. Even so, this is nowhere near the whole story. Additionally, no two adoption stories are the same. Frankly many aren't even <i>that</i> similar. Each parent, each marriage, each child, each circumstance, home, agency, caseworker, orphanage, country, timeline, year, gender, age, faith, flight-route, finger-printing agent, career, birth order, financial situation combines to make a truly unique story each time. Adoption was initiated and demonstrated by God and He is creative, attentive and detailed-oriented enough to personally write every single story of adoption.<br />
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For us, the adoption experience was a celebration, drenched with personal growth, unbelievable blessing, and genuine community. Our sixteen month season of adoption stands as one of the best I've been given, right up there with my salvation, my husband, and my children. Although my writing has slowed now since I'm always going back to read old posts, I'm so thankful I wrote and wrote and wrote the entire way through those sacred days. I love re-living the joys, remembering God's generosity and faithfulness, recalling the ways friends and family stood with us and rejoicing in the gift of Mercy.</div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-18304565971340339662012-12-03T23:07:00.000-08:002012-12-04T23:21:55.464-08:00Never Thought I'd Blog About This...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Friday morning Mercy spontaneously and successfully decided she was done with diapers and ready to use the toilet. Nothing says you're chin deep in motherhood quite like your two year old mastering the art and science of potty-training and finding yourself howling with joy, your little world totally rocked. And then when you find yourself blogging about it, you just know you've lost a little bit of your old self, the part that used to judge just a little bit those parents who did the same before you. I can promise you this: I will only blog about this now and <i>never again</i>.<br />
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Mercy and I were on cloud nine! After her flawless morning we loaded up for a Cake Pop from Starbucks. I reasoned that surely some of her success was due to my encouraging coaching and therefore decided to treat myself to a short, soy, extra hot, peppermint hot chocolate as a reward. The drive-thru line took a little extra time, but we were all in such good spirits (and, Christmas music!) that we didn't mind. When we pulled up to pay the cashier said my drink was on the house due to the delay. Hurrah.<br />
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Mercy Girl has never looked back. She's on a roll.<br />
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As for treats- we sometimes reward her with these yummy lemon cookies from Trader Joe's and other times with little candy gummies and other times with an exuberant high-five, a big smile, and a bear hug.<br />
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A quick reflection: One way I'm seeing a real change in myself is that I am much more adaptable these days. I'll probably always be more Type-A, more of a planner, but I am changed and changing through this journey of motherhood and one of the most recent, most tangible ways I have seen this is in my flexibility and ability to live in the moment, to be laid back even when I'm thrown a curveball. And I like that. I'm really happy that I'm moving more in this direction, not less.<br />
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My girl is growing up!<br />
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-20389044119952304502012-12-02T23:33:00.000-08:002012-12-04T23:22:13.077-08:00Our 2012 Advent Season<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I vaguely, but fondly, remember Advent from my childhood. The word is more familiar than the practice. Our church casually observed it some years by lighting candles. We displayed special calendars with chocolate at home. I remember the anticipation of opening up the next door each night at dinner, then reading the story.<br />
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This year we are incorporating two Advent observations in our home and a third at our church. First, Josh and I are each participating in a Bible reading plan focusing on this specific season. We use an app on our iPhones called<a href="https://www.youversion.com/"> YouVersion</a> made by LifeChurch.tv (although you can access this through your tablet or your computer as well!). There are many Christmas and Advent plans to choose from, ranging from three to thirty days. The plan I have subscribed to was created by<a href="http://shereadstruth.com/"> She Reads Truth,</a> a small group of women committed to reading God's Word in community. I've done several of their reading plans in recent months and have enjoyed their wisdom and attitude in each devotional. <a href="https://www.youversion.com/reading-plans/402-she-reads-truth-advent">This one</a> is their best plan yet. It's a twenty-eight day plan and each day's Bible and devotional reading probably can be done in less than 10 minutes. Plus, you can chime in and follow along via <a href="http://shereadstruth.com/instagramfeed/">Instagram</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/SheReadsTruth">Twitter</a>, which is always fun for conversation, accountability and community. If you're a female, I'd recommend it! Josh selected the plan, "<a href="https://www.youversion.com/reading-plans/26-rediscovering-the-christmas-season">Rediscovering the Christmas Season</a>".<br />
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Second, we invested in a really solid Advent book to read together as a family. It's called...wait for it... <i><a href="http://www.adventbook.com/v3/">The Advent Book</a>,</i> and it is family heirloom quality. It's big and heavy and the edges of each page are gold... you know what I mean? It even closes with a ribbon. It just looks special! This kind of quality is generally above my pedigree, but for the best story ever told I decided it was worth it. I selected it based on a recommendation and I hope we pour over it each December for decades to come. We're only on Day 2, but we are thoroughly enjoying introducing Mercy to the story of Jesus' arrival on earth. What an honor and responsibility to shape your child's posture towards Christmas. This year she can sit still for longer stretches which is fantastic, since the story will end up being pretty long by the end of the month! There are no chocolate pieces and you don't see the doors progressively open, so we will likely get one of those to display/ use each year, too. You can find good options nearly everywhere these days, from Starbucks to Trader Joe's! I do find it odd that so many Advent calendars are made displaying Santa's workshop.<br />
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As a church family we are marking the season by walking through <a href="http://www.adventconspiracy.org/">Advent Conspiracy</a>. It's quite compelling and counter-cultural. This grassroots movement has been around for nearly 10 years and has caught on in church communities around the country. The four week focus calls Christians to spend this sacred season worshipping fully, spending less, giving more and loving all. Check out the short introduction video below.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="mozallowfullscreen" src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/30556886?badge=0&color=f9f2e0" webkitallowfullscreen="webkitallowfullscreen" width="500"></iframe> <a href="http://vimeo.com/30556886">[AC] Promo 2012 - Living Water International</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/adventconspiracy">Advent Conspiracy</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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How are you walking through this sacred Christmas season? Are you doing anything new? Do you enjoy long-standing traditions? Did you grow up in a home that emphasized Advent?</div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-819070758084272112012-12-01T22:08:00.000-08:002012-12-01T22:08:42.570-08:00My Cyber Monday Fail<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Josh and I have started a new Monday tradition that totally fills our marriage tank. When the kids go down for their afternoon naps, we have a babysitter come over and we go on a date. It's different since it's not at night- no dinner and a movie (although a movie is a good idea!). We tend have a bit more energy for one another since it's earlier in the day, and we come home refreshed for our kids as we head into dinner and bedtimes. We spend our time doing simple things like running errands we usually put off, going for long walks in the rain and sipping coffee without interruption or hurry. Being out and about alone together on a week day has been an extra fun way to start the week. It's after the weekend, which is our busiest stretch, and it's well before the new week has the chance to feel overwhelming. It's a fresh start date day and we treasure these moments together.<br />
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Last Monday we stopped in to Starbucks to split a holiday drink. We opted for a Gingerbread Americano. As Gold Card members we used to enjoy the luxury of free syrups, free soy milk, free refills and a free tall beverage with every whole bean coffee purchase. Starbucks recently updated their rewards program. Gone are the complimentary syrups, soy, refills and drinks. Now you earn a free drink or food item with every twelve stars (rewards), as opposed to a free drink with every fifteen stars. And the reward loads to your smartphone app rather than coming in the mail. Although they have streamlined their system better, this update is a downgrade. With this in mind, we were standing in line lamenting the fifty-cent charge for one pump of sugary goodness when Josh suggested I start carrying around a bottle of syrup in my purse (this sounds like something Buddy the Elf would do, am I right?). As we sat down, we spotted the Gingerbread syrup for sale...<br />
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That evening, after the kids were all tucked in bed and Josh was on the phone (he still talks on his phone! cray-cray), I opened my computer to browse my Cyber Monday options. Starbucks was offering $20 off a $60 purchase, plus free shipping (and a gold star!) when you used your Gold Card. Perfect. I stocked my cart full of Christmas Blend (they were out of Whole Bean so I had to get Ground. nbd, but strike one against this super awesome, super easy Cyber Monday deal), their extremely delicious Peppermint Hot Chocolate and the future purse-residing Gingerbread syrup (which comes as a nicely wrapped gift basket, including biscotti!). My total after the discount and tax was $47. I re-loaded my Starbucks card with $50 and went to check-out. At which point the whole lovely, simple idea became a rather annoying headache.<br />
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It asked me for the Gold Card PIN. The what? The website showed a drawing of a physical Starbucks Card (the kind you buy for your neighbor or teacher) with arrows pointing to the card number and PIN number (you scratch it off like a lottery ticket). Only my Gold Card exists electronically, on my iPhone. I can read (in 3-pt font) the card number, but no PIN. I hustled for thirty minutes Googling this, calling the Starbucks Customer Service Center (closed), looking everywhere in my app for any clue where this PIN might be found. Nothing. So with Cyber Monday coming to a close in mere minutes, I decided to pay with my bank card, which was less than ideal since I purposely re-loaded my card with $50 for this specific transaction. Then, since I wasn't using my Gold Card I was charged $6 for shipping. Not a terrible thing in and of itself, but when the whole reason you got yourself into this was for the $20 off and free shipping and dearly beloved gold star... the total failure of the operation was disappointing. By now, I was in too deep and I reasoned Starbucks was like the Nordstorm of coffee and would surely help make things right the next day when they arrived at the office and read the cheerful email of a loyal customer, clearly explaining the silly situation (and asking where in the world the PIN is on my iPhone app!).<br />
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<i>Thirty-six hours</i> later I got an email that said basically, "Thanks for your email. How sad for you. Call this other number and they can credit you a gold star." Mkay. I wrote back again asking for info on the PIN number location and also could they at least give me free shipping since I totally tried really hard to get the Gold Card to work, and I am a Gold Card member and all that? Twenty-four hours later another short reply, "Thanks for your email. Okayyyyyyy. THIS time we will make this huge, huge exception and give free shipping, but consider this a warning and do it the right way next time. And call this other number to find out whatever it is you wanted to know about the PIN. We don't do that." So, let's count. One number for my order. Another for the Gold Star. Another for the PIN. It was just weird. Not the end of the world Not at all a big problem. Nothing to lose sleep over. But certainly not the super awesome, out-of-this-world Cyber Monday deal I started out to find.<br />
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It's Saturday and my order still has not shipped.<br />
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I am aware that this entire ordeal can also be found in the dictionary under: First World Problems. </div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-84352330839168133282012-11-13T15:14:00.004-08:002012-12-04T23:22:25.628-08:00Happy Six Months<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hard to believe that my baby boy is six months old today. Fear not, little Jude. Mama and Papa have done this before, so rest easy. Those first six months were all new to us! Jude is thriving. He is growing and sleeping and eating and playing and laughing. He enjoys rice cereal, avocados and an occasional plum. He has a sweet, gentle spirit. He is relaxed and easy-going. Not much rattles the guy and he's not particular. He enjoys nighttime bathes, coos most in the morning, and can bounce, bounce, bounce while I prepare lunch. He is enamored with Mercy. Loves when she is close, when he can reach out and touch her face or hair, or anything he can hold on to. He always greets her with a huge smile and a gentle coo. We are incredibly wowed by this little boy. Happy six months, baby!</div>
Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-41721988474702949902012-11-10T15:57:00.001-08:002012-12-04T23:22:32.535-08:00Coming back. Beginning again.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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After twelve months and less than 30 posts at my Wordpress site, I am trying out my old faithful once again. I never felt at home over there and this platform is where I got my start nearly six years ago. Finding the time to write and share pictures is hard enough for me these days, without the hassles of learning a new system. So I'm considering beginning again, right here.<br />
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Personally, this is a particularly meaningful time of year. Late fall holds memories of miscarriage, adoption application and contract, the long awaited referral, news of the court date, travel preparation, a positive pregnancy test, my son's heartbeat, resigning from my beloved ministry role, transitioning to a new ministry in a new state, moving away and starting again. The months of October, November and December are simply stocked with memories I love to relive and I've written about each of them here. This is another reason I am drawn back to this familiar place. It feels like home. </div>
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Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-12888852864737685632011-11-28T23:10:00.001-08:002011-11-28T23:17:45.617-08:00Hot off the press: I've moved!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Happy Monday! Hope you all had a meaningful and enjoyable Thanksgiving!<br />
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I wanted to let you know that I'm now blogging at <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/"><i>www.bexmann.net</i></a>.<br />
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I'd hate to lose you, so don't forget to update your Google Reader or Bloglovin' settings to reflect this change.<br />
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My blog is in the process of getting a little face-lift, so thanks for your patience as she changes both slightly and significantly in these next few weeks. <br />
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Speaking of blog addresses, which blogs do you absolutely love to read? Do share! I'm looking for some fun new subscriptions. </div>Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-6141671039406800112011-11-19T12:35:00.000-08:002011-11-19T12:35:00.654-08:00Snapshots: First Month<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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November tenth marked one month in our new Washington home. Like I've mentioned before, things are surprisingly smooth and we are settling into good rhythms at work and at home, individually and as a family. Here is a quick snapshot of our first month:</div>
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First, we had to say some very painful good-byes. Over a dozen friends pitched in on October 10th to help us load up the U-haul. The drive out of Salem was filled with lots of tears.</div>
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Then, came this welcome sign! Josh nearly drove his car off the road as he pulled into the church office for the first time. </div>
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Poor Mercy Girl had been sick for two weeks and the virus only seemed to worsen. With no Primary Care doctor established in our new city, we ended up taking two trips to the Children's Urgent Care.</div>
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The beautiful view on the bridge connecting where we live to the island where the church is located. Not a bad commute, eh? </div>
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A week into our new life in a new place, I was feeling the blues in a big way. To beat the blues, or at least distract ourselves from them, we decided to take a day trip to Seattle and visit some of our favorite places. Green Lake is like Heaven on earth in my book. It was Mercy's very first time in my favorite city. And look, the sun was out!</div>
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After a beautiful, long walk we made our way to the pier for fish and chips at Ivar's.</div>
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Mercy was really digging the chowder. This girl can put food away. Just like her Mama. </div>
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Right down the street from our place is a huge farm stand open every single day! Besides corn, apples, potatoes and squash, it was filled with caramel apples, pumpkins, apple cider... all the fall goodies. It re-opens today with Christmas trees, holly and mistletoe, wreaths and the like.</div>
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'Tis the season!</div>
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This family photo was captured on Josh's Installation Sunday. A meaningful, sacred service to sort of pass the mantle of leadership, authority and responsibility to Josh as the new Lead Pastor. It had a very palpable, very spiritual Rite of Passage feel and it is something we will always remember. This photo was taken<i> after </i>the service, reception, lunch, nap, dinner, tour of our city and dessert... We are horrible at taking family photos on special days (like on Mercy's first birthday, her dedication, etc.), so while isn't the best at least it's in the books!</div>
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Another Monday, another sunny day in Seattle! We spent this trip on Queen Anne Hill near Seattle Pacific University. We enjoyed pumpkin bagels from Noah's, vanilla lattes from Cafe Ladro, and a lovely stroll all around the quaint, cozy neighborhood. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy Halloween! Mercy was the most adorable Zebra. We took a trip to the Harbor where thousands of families gathered to trick-or-treat from local, small businesses. </td></tr>
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Our forest-like backyard; home to toads, owls and deer. The guy pictured above was literally peering through our sliding glass doors one afternoon, kind of wondering who the new kids in town were, like he'd been here before and was just checking things out. </div>
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Though Mercy is the happiest <strike>baby</strike> toddler around, she is also one of the busiest, constantly in motion. This makes it hard to capture her smile in pictures. Got one here, sort of. I also love her curls in this photo. </div>
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In our first month, we celebrated Mercy's <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2011/11/first-referralversary.html">first Referralversary</a> and her 15-month birthday. </div>
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Time is flying by. We are especially enjoying this time with Mercy before her bro or sis arrives this spring. Please also note her cute, <i>Felicity the Fox </i>T-shirt in honor of her new church (courtesy of<a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/bchildrenswear"> B. Childrenswear</a>).</div>
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Even with all the good times and friendly folks, we still miss our friends and family. Mercy studies this picture of her best friends, Nyah and Haakon Williams, every single day. We get it, Boo! We miss them, too!</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6kJM1rCPMEQ/TsV2tI5m59I/AAAAAAAACm0/9tZm2adFeJg/s1600/IMG_2236.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6kJM1rCPMEQ/TsV2tI5m59I/AAAAAAAACm0/9tZm2adFeJg/s640/IMG_2236.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Just for kicks, this is the face Mercy makes when you ask her to how blow out a candle or cool down hot food. Adorable. </div>
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We are now well into our second month in Washington (and into the second trimester as well). We're excited to experience all this month holds. I'll be back to share it with you in mid-December!</div>Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-24055923078792163532011-11-09T22:53:00.000-08:002011-11-10T07:49:39.168-08:00First Referralversary<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='570' height='466' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyu-hVaKGlns6A9TF69l8FNDI-Dl5CyHKeDigdAY__E-vmRpyCuMDFKXXIWR1R5nW6T8m4_ED87GQ' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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I woke up this morning brimming with pure joy remembering November 9, 2010.<br />
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One year ago today Josh and I finally received the phone call we had been waiting for, bringing us good news of our first baby. At this time last year, we had been on the waiting list for six months, three weeks and four days. We hadn't listed a gender preference, only that we desired a baby.<br />
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The day of <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/11/we-got-call.html" target="_blank">The Call</a>, Josh was in Seattle at a preaching conference and I was at work, home for lunch when our Adoption Program Director called first. What ensued for the next nearly two hours was a lot of phone calls, dropped calls, missed calls and waiting...waiting...<a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/11/referral-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">waiting to see our baby's face</a> for the first time. Josh promptly left his conference after receiving the call from Dove that we had a three month old daughter, borrowing someone's car to head to Starbucks to use the wi-fi to open her pictures. It was a whirlwind afternoon. And then I had to go about the next day pretending my whole life hadn't changed as I waited for Josh to get home late that night. Brutal!<br />
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Above is a raw, unedited video of Josh and I sharing a screen and reading through our referral email, before finally seeing her photo for the very first time. <i>It gets good at around 2:15, so please feel free to skip the random, scattered beginning</i>. Disclaimer: the audio is wonky and we weren't at all in a "Let's make an epic video" mindset, we simply knew we would want to re-live this experience again and again, and eventually show Mercy what it was like for old Mom and Dad when we heard the news we'd been matched with her. <br />
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Below is the very first picture of <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/11/her-first-name.html" target="_blank">our daughter </a>that I ever saw. I fell in love instantly. Click on the following links to see my blog post <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/11/we-got-call.html" target="_blank">announcing our referral</a> and the <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/11/referral-story-part-1.html" target="_blank">video I made</a> while I was waiting for Josh to get to his computer. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cvo2oekcjVc/TrtvQjBlFOI/AAAAAAAAChE/bMtF5wykKBE/s1600/Mercy1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cvo2oekcjVc/TrtvQjBlFOI/AAAAAAAAChE/bMtF5wykKBE/s640/Mercy1.jpg" width="426" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/11/her-first-name.html">Mercy's</a> referral picture (actually taken Sept. 28 2010).</b></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n0QbFX9M94k/TrtwJiwkoyI/AAAAAAAAChM/oCUC-afuVIU/s1600/MercyBearThanksgiving10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n0QbFX9M94k/TrtwJiwkoyI/AAAAAAAAChM/oCUC-afuVIU/s640/MercyBearThanksgiving10.jpg" width="438" /></a></td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td class="tr-caption"><b>Mercy on Thanksgiving Day 2010</b>. It just so happened our dear friends were headed to Ethiopia to bring home their twin girls right after we received our referral. They had the joy of visiting Mercy, praying for her, holding her and getting her hand prints for us. Such a gift!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PqJG1uExg6o/TrtxDYvQJtI/AAAAAAAAChc/80ULs9uOmcI/s1600/Fiker+Mann+12-7-2010+%25231.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PqJG1uExg6o/TrtxDYvQJtI/AAAAAAAAChc/80ULs9uOmcI/s640/Fiker+Mann+12-7-2010+%25231.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr align="center"><td class="tr-caption">Only days after our friends sent us their photos of Mercy, we received another update from our agency. Although we were sent two new pictures each month (December, January and February), this one is our absolute favorite. <b>Mercy is nearly four months old in this photo.</b></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FI9OIv3PNik/TrtwtVTCtbI/AAAAAAAAChU/JgLrvDetHlI/s1600/IMG_2194.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FI9OIv3PNik/TrtwtVTCtbI/AAAAAAAAChU/JgLrvDetHlI/s640/IMG_2194.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Mercy Michael Fikir Mann sweet as can be at fifteen months.</b> </td></tr>
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Three months after receiving our referral we were packing the last of our bags, bound for Ethiopia to meet Mercy, attend our court appointment, bring Mercy into our arms forever, and finalize the adoption through the U.S. Embassy in Addis Aabba. Five months after receiving our referral we were home at last with our first baby girl. It's been nine months since Mercy became a Mann. But today we celebrate our Referral. What a gift this year has been to us. We are thankful. Our family will celebrate always November 9. </div>Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-59119415055492589872011-11-03T13:26:00.000-07:002011-11-04T13:01:50.192-07:00Our Family is Growing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I'm twelve weeks pregnant, incredibly thankful and completely overjoyed. <br />
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This news came as a big surprise in mid-September as we were fully engrossed in our upcoming move. The day after we announced our
resignation and transition to the church staff, I took a test. Positive. We were both in shock. I was cautiously hopeful. <br />
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The morning of my very last day of work at the church, at seven and a half weeks pregnant, I had
an ultrasound and we experienced the gift of seeing the baby's beating heart. In early 2009 I <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2009/04/expecting.html" target="_blank">wrote a post </a>about my ultrasound history, one that made this particular visit especially meaningful. Last
Friday, at eleven weeks, we heard his heartbeat loud and
clear. Today at twelve weeks I finally feel able to enter into the celebration of this news and ready to receive this gift from God.<br />
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Josh and I are thankful for God's presence with us four years ago as we ached
and waited and wondered after a painful miscarriage. We are thankful for His gentleness as he prompted us to release the pursuit of a biological baby when it
became an idol. We are thankful for His voice two and a half years ago as he spoke prophetic promise over us in the midst of a healing season marked by movement from fear to faith. We are thankful for God's goodness as He revealed His plan for our family meant <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2009/11/here-we-go.html" target="_blank">adopting</a> our first baby,
not our last as originally planned. We are thankful for God's merciful sovereignty, matching us with and giving us the joy of being <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2011/02/meet-mercy.html" target="_blank">Mercy Michael Fikir Mann</a>'s mom and dad (or her "De-De", as she calls both of us). There are no words to articulate how profoundly significant and overwhelmingly sacred it was to have our beloved first-born daughter with us at the ultrasound.<br />
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By God's grace, we will welcome Mercy's little brother or sister to the world in the middle of May, about two and a half months shy of her second birthday. <br />
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We know many of you have prayed for us continuously; from <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/05/happy-2nd-birthday.html" target="_blank">miscarriage</a> to infertility, from grief to healing, and then to hope and the gift of <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2009/11/questions-answers-1.html" target="_blank">adoption</a>, from <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/04/wait-list-at-last.html" target="_blank">paperwork</a> to <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2010/11/we-got-call.html" target="_blank">referral</a>, and from <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2011/03/were-coming-home.html" target="_blank">homecoming</a> to <a href="http://www.bexmann.net/2011/09/on-saying-yes-when-he-leads-and-what.html" target="_blank">moving away</a>. Lots of you have prayed not just for favorable outcomes, but that we would grow and be transformed along the way. <i>Thank you</i>.<br />
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I am also aware that many of you are longing, praying, trusting, waiting, hoping and wondering how your family story will be written. You are on my mind and in my prayers every day. Truly.<br />
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<br /></div>Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-14777149149515807962011-10-29T12:51:00.000-07:002011-10-29T12:57:36.046-07:00Alive and Well<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I said I would post regularly and I have not posted once since moving nearly three weeks ago. We have enjoyed so many new experiences and met so many new friendly people.... I don't even know where to begin, but I know that I've got to start somewhere. The main thing is this: we are alive and well.<br />
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Two weeks ago, before heading to our new church for the first time, I wrote a long post reflecting on our first week in town. I got about ninety percent done and then got stuck, unable to finish it, unable to wrap it up neatly enough to leave it alone. I've looked back on it and although it was a true reflection of that day, it's not where I am today. I hope to finish it and post it at some point. For now it sits and waits.<br />
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Life in our new city has gone better than I expected. Truly. I actually like it here! It's not at all the same as life back home but I've felt free from comparisons and able to simply enjoy this season in this specific location for what it is. And what it is is beginning to sound good. We've always known it was right. But now it's starting to feel right, too. Feelings aren't everything, but I guess what I'm saying is God has given us the blessing of clear confirmation (in big, sweeping ways and in small, meaningful ways) that we are where he wants us to be. What more can we ask for?<br />
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We've enjoyed two day trips to Seattle, endured two long visits to Urgent care, and encountered the warmth of our new church body welcoming our little family. Mercy and I have embarked on BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) and MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers), library story-time and long walks on new trails. We've explored new restaurants, coffee shops and grocery stores. We've eaten in lots of new homes, around tables filled with delicious food and rich stories.<br />
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Exploring, enjoying, experiencing, embarking, encountering and even enduring are all parts of this new season to our story. I anticipate a meaningful season here in Washington, both for our family and for me personally. Certainly we will be different people because of this place. Our choice is to lean-in, to listen well, to respond with humility and trust, allowing God's story in our lives to unfold with Him at the helm and without our resistance or reluctance.<br />
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We're off to a good start, but we are well aware of our constant dependence on Him. We are also increasingly thankful for the significant relationships we made in Oregon and how those friendships were used by God to shape and prepare us, grow and challenge us. So to those of you back home, thank you.<br />
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Mercy is down for a nap, Josh is at the church and I hear college football and the newest issue of Real Simple calling my name. Happy weekend!<br />
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P.S. Pictures next time! </div>Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-46162584128849354312011-10-02T13:07:00.000-07:002011-10-02T13:07:54.094-07:00Growing Bear<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">It's been a while since I've posted pictures of Mercy Bear. She is growing up so fast; 14 months yesterday! Enjoy these snapshots:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vNy-UDbrNXc/Tnz2agC0w0I/AAAAAAAACfk/eSrANd5fLZ4/s1600/IMG_1684.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vNy-UDbrNXc/Tnz2agC0w0I/AAAAAAAACfk/eSrANd5fLZ4/s400/IMG_1684.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying a Starbucks treat after visiting Fox Island</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DwvXwzyMjTQ/Tnz2s8qaiaI/AAAAAAAACfo/zy-6BMkANLQ/s1600/IMG_1813.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DwvXwzyMjTQ/Tnz2s8qaiaI/AAAAAAAACfo/zy-6BMkANLQ/s400/IMG_1813.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Practicing walking (which she has now mastered!) Cute bum, too.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SRrMrzJImkc/Tnz23g9YnLI/AAAAAAAACfs/F5heo7FgZUQ/s1600/IMG_1835.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SRrMrzJImkc/Tnz23g9YnLI/AAAAAAAACfs/F5heo7FgZUQ/s400/IMG_1835.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From the hair, to the facial expression, to the onesie from her Aunt and Uncle Junior Mann, I love everything about this photo.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sWZIaxPQpTw/Tnz2_pqPdII/AAAAAAAACfw/C3-v6xXwx5Y/s1600/IMG_1868.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sWZIaxPQpTw/Tnz2_pqPdII/AAAAAAAACfw/C3-v6xXwx5Y/s400/IMG_1868.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When I see this pictures, I see more "toddler" and less "baby". </td></tr>
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</div>Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32204756.post-24697911466140981102011-09-18T19:19:00.000-07:002011-11-04T13:09:07.847-07:00The whole shebang (completed wedding video)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://vimeo.com/29235512">Poole Wedding</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/natebaston">natebaston</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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I cannot get enough of this! What a truly breath-taking event captured in this video. My sister was STUNNING. And didn't Nate capture some adorable Mercy footage?!<br />
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I will forever treasure my sister's wedding day as a uniquely sweet moment for my family of origin; I believe it was the last time we were all together before everyone started moving away. Most recently Liz and her new husband, Brent moved to Bend, OR. That's not so far from where we live now, but it is still the first time she has moved away. I'm truly so lucky to have had her in town during her college years. I miss her already. Neither of my brothers is living in town and in just three weeks Josh, Mercy and I head north to Washington. I feel spoiled to have enjoyed so many years living in the same town as my parents and three siblings. None of us would have predicted that ten years ago, so I will always remember the true joy it was to meet for dinner last minute, attend holiday church services together, snag the best (free) babysitting for Mercy and just generally enjoy the reality that family was only a few minutes away. </div>Bexhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15171191782411628151noreply@blogger.com4